Relationships can be a beautiful thing.

In fact, we build our lives around our most significant relationships.

We invest a lot of time and commitment, often sacrificing what we think we want, for something we want more.

And often it pays off!

But sometimes the unexpected happens – conflict arises, and we are forced to adjust in some way. Why??

The simple answer is that no two people are the same, and relationships are hard under the best of circumstances. However, in many cases, our skewed worldviews are partly to blame. This speaks directly to the potential effects of trauma on relationships.

When the past affects us in unrecognized ways

Consider the case of a young woman that came to my office, age 32, and married mother of five. Her initial complaint was that she struggled with intimacy through her entire 12-year marriage.

While the couple was able to have children, much of their relationship was tremendously unfulfilled. This client even felt that her husband, a kind and respectful man, was threatening to her by normal advances. She understood the irrationality of this dynamic but couldn’t reconcile her negative emotions.

We discovered that this client’s past trauma had a crushing impact on the success of their marriage. And her husband was understandably suffering with his own emotional distress. It’s important to note that this was a conundrum due to no fault of either party. Certainly, each deserved better!

How is my approach unique?

This brings me to my unique approach to couples’ therapy. It begins with the individual! In fact, the best couples therapy happens when both parties can work through their past issues, and then come together with less pain, greater compassion, and a fresh view of their significant other!

Couples that have healed their trauma before sitting together with a counselor are far more likely to succeed in their relationship goals. The healthiest relationships are made of healthy individuals!

Should you need couples counseling, be advised that individual therapy is likely where it will begin. In the case mentioned above, it was through a course of individual work (with a little couple’s time at the end) that this couple began to experience both emotional and physical intimacy that had been long absent.

Call to find out more about how I help repair relationships!